im in the crappiest mood. i dont even want to be myself today. i woke up and i was sick to my stomach. went to work and filed for an hour and a half straight. got a migraine. bullshitted online for a while. talked to a few insurance companies. shredded some papers. and now i am home for lunch. i wish i was already done with work. i just want today to be over. i hate today with a passion. my head is pounding. and i feel like im gonna throw up every 5 seconds. what is wrong with me?? its not pms. i just hate how i feel today.

i guess last night isnt helping me out. after the shit with bob's mother i left him a message telling him he needed to talk to his mother more often. so i wouldnt be the one to say this shit to her. but i wasnt satisfied with that one message. so i called back again and told him i wanted all my shit i had left at his apartment back and for him to leave it on my doorstep and if he didnt want to do that then id call him and let him know i was coming over and he could leave it on his doorstep.

and i still wasnt satisfied with that. so i called back again and this time he picked up. claimed he was sleeping and didnt know who it was on the phone. he named off a couple of girls names and then finally picked my name out of the hat. i know he just did that to see how i would react. and i didnt react.

i told him i wanted my shit back and we ended up talking for 40 minutes. the conversation ended up being pretty good. he said he had spoken to his mother and that both she and his father said that me and her had a good conversation and there was no yelling and no fighting. which is complete and utter bullshit but whatever.

i let bob know that i could not be friends with him anymore. and i didnt know if it would ever be possible because i dont think he is capable of being just friends with me. at the end of the conversation he said something which really bothered me. he was saying that he doesnt want to just sleep around anymore and he thinks it would be a good idea for me and him to sleep together and let eachother know if we are going to sleep with anyone else. and i told him that wasnt going to happen because he wouldnt let it just be about sex. i told him he needs to give me a few good weeks of having nothing to do with him before i can even consider sleeping with him again. he agreed to that. and i havent heard a word from him since.

right now.. i know i dont want to sleep with him anymore. but a week from now i might be lonely and horney. and we always have good sex. and its a sure thing. so its kinda hard to say no when its in front of your face and so easy to have. but right now i can honestly say i dont want to sleep with him. i never want to be with him again. but who knows what will happen a week from now. im weak. i know. and i know i need to get past this and move on with my life because i am obviously not in love with him so whats the point in staying around. but i get lonely and its so hard to say no to something thats right in front of you.

im so weak.

and this migraine is fucking killing me.

i wish i would have slept more last night. it was just impossible to fall asleep. i wish i didnt have to work today. maybe i wouldnt have gotten this migraine if i hadnt done all that shit at work. i wish i didnt have a doctors appointment early tomorrow morning so that i could sleep in.

i wish today was just over. i hate everything today and i have no patience for anything today.